February 2003

2nd February 2003

Respect should be the point of faith

MANY years ago I was told forcefully by some spiritual type that "the walking state" - that which we call normality - is often the most hallucinogenic. It resonated with me because since early childhood I have often looked around and thought: "What is the purpose of this?"

Faith can be a great security blanket but I have yet to find one religious person who actually stops once in a while and questions whether they really believe in what they've been taught. Many people discover their spirituality after a trauma, in the same way that most people only turn to alternative medicine, or things they may have previously considered ridiculous, when traditional methods have failed them.

Interestingly, it is the folk who appear to be the most logical and passionate who have absolutely no desire to move beyond the spiritual ideal they have discovered. My policy is to believe that everything is possible and to never discount anything because there just might be some truth in it.

You could call that cowardice, hedging my bets, but none of us really knows. Many of us are born and forced to believe that a certain faith is superior to another. If one studies religious beliefs, one discovers that many of their stories are pretty similar - the only real difference is their wardrobes. No wonder so many pop stars are jumping on one religious bandwagon or another.

The problem is that one has to suspend all belief or logic in order to live by the rules of any timeless doctrine. Being cynical, one has to question whether those who passionately follow a belief system are just hoping that, when the time comes, they will be redeemed. They pray that what they have sacrificed will drag them closer to the spiritual bull's-eye in the next life.

The reasons why one minority would want to destroy another always boil down to the ridiculous idea that "my god is better than your god". I have yet to encounter anyone on the spiritual treadmill who does not say: "We respect all religions but ours is the best." I honestly believe that Jesus did exist but that he was a kind of Gandhi or Martin Luther King of his time, a brave man who questioned the belief system of his day and paid for it with his life.

As for being the son of God, I actually believe he was - in the sense that we are all God's children. Or at least we are all given the opportunity to better ourselves and to try for a world in which we are understanding and open enough to respect each other's beliefs without killing to attain superiority.

I HAVE a strong feeling that America and certain sheep-like European countries are about to wage a war in the Middle East but how can the West be surprised that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction when we are responsible for having supplied them?

It is pitiful that, as a culture of made up of minorities, we have not learnt a thing from our own suffering. As a friend's father said at dinner recently: "War is started by old men and fought by young men." I just thank my lucky stars that I'm too old to be conscripted. That line about God giving humans free will does not feel reassuring when that free will allows one natiion to destroy another.

Even saddre is the fact that those responsible will be protected while innocent families are wiped out.

9th February 2003

Elton's duetting with the enemy

YOU WOULD imagine that a public altercation between myself and Elton John's partner, David Furnish, would involve ruffled feathers or at least the loss of an expensive earring.

I was attending to a call of nature at Rouge - Pam Hogg's latest nightclub - when Mr Furnish banged on the door and shouted: "Why do you keep picking on my boyfriend?" I realised who it was because I had seen him coming in with Neil Tennant, Janet Street-Porter and Lulu - adding to the surrealism of the situation.

Little did I know, all those years ago, that one day I would be getting up the nose of the man whose records I bought and loved. I still respect Sir Elton John and feel he owns one of the finest voices in the land - but that doesn't mean I have to share his social and political views.

It was Neil Tennat who whispered into my ear: "Elton's not happy with you." I told him my gripe was the Eminem duet. Tennant told me that he thought Eminem was great.

A case, I said, of the victim identifying with the persecutor. At that point Janet stepped in: "That sounds like some psychobabble from a book." Well isn't all wisdom borrowed, or does Janet know something we don't? In the grand scheme of things, who cares?

However, Eminem, Elton, Janet and Neil would uphold anyone's right to freedom of speech. So why do they get so upset when I say what I want to say? Sorry, but I don't buy into the irony of being gay and liking Eminem. I suspect that the real reason most folk really admire Eminem is because he is successful. Well, so are arms dealers but I don't respect them.

The latest suggestion is that Eminem redeems himself in his debut movie 8 Mile by defending a homosexual is no consolation. And I'm not going to stop saying what I feel no matter how upset anyone gets.

Yes, we live in a much accepting world and isn't it a shame that we can't all get along, but excuse me for having an opinion. I am in no doubt that all those concerned will conclude that I'm just bitter. Well I won't deny that bitterness is certainly part of my repertoire but if I'm asked what I think then I will say exactly what I think.

MAYBE I am more self-pitying than I thought. I could, quite possibly, be delusional or mad. One thing is for sure: I am happy to debate anything with anyone and be proved wrong or agree to disagree.

It's often the case that those who claim to be seeking the truth are the ones who are desperate to avoid it, and I might possibly be one of those people. The only way to find out is to question oneself constantly and question everyone else too. And when we stop having conflicting ideas and start agreeing on everything, that is when we will discover that we are in real trouble.

It might surprise some people to know that I have a few ideas of my own which are Buddhist in their aspirations and Catholic in their complications. I would truly love to live in a harmonious universe but who can imagine a world without love, hate and French fries?

I think it was Mr Neil Tennant who said the other night, "Hatred is the new black", or was it, "Irony is the new black"? And more importantly, it was Eminem who said: "What we need is some controversy."

16th February 2003

Bitch if you must but make it funny

ANYONE who knows me will confirm that, hard as I am to reach at times, I'm seldom unavailable for comment. I say this because last week an account of my public banter with Sir Elton John's lover, David Furnish, was reported in another newspaper. Being economical with the facts doesn't describe the rubbish printed under the headline "Flounce of Flesh". It implied that I think I am some kind of a hard man, while suggesting that I cowered from Mr Furnish.

As our exchange was conducted through a toilet door, how anyone could see me "cowering in fear" is a mystery. I had no intention of punching David (not that it would take much to put him on his back) and, in any case, he didn't hang around for a sensible conversation. This begs the question: how can you call yourself a journalist if you do not possess that major principle, objectivity?

Funnily enough, when I invited the 3am Girls to debate their methods of obtaining stories for their dull column, their response was: "Why would we come on LBC just to be slated on air?" Well, isn't bitching about people what they do for a living? The truth is that most journalists of the sewer nature can rarely take what they spit out.

Actually, I admit that in my heyday I did court the media. But I learned the hard way that they always have the last word. So in the spirit of "if you can't beat them..." I took up the ink sword. I try to write about the things I like, rather than things I loathe - but there's nothing wrong with bitching if it's funny, not cruel.

I do wonder when David and Elton lost their sense of humour. Some months back, David approached me while I was playing records and asked cheekily: "Got any Eminem?" I assume Elton is really annoyed about my comments on his duet with Blue, and because I said: "He would sing with anyone for a bit of profile." I could call Britney and plead with her to do a new version of Karma Chameleon but imagine the flak I'd get.

I am constantly being described as some Norma Desmond type, vainly trying to scratch my way back to the top. Trust me, I am happy with what I have. Yes, it would be nice to get a bit of credit for some of my creative endeavours but those who are, on the whole, satisfied with their lot are the luckiest.

I wasn't going to mention this but, since someone fed that pack of lies to a newspaper, I am left with no choice. When one of my dearest friends, singer and songwriter Amanda Ghost, started to get a bit of profile, Elton wrote about her on his website and was hugely supportive. But when her album didn't shoot into the charts he swiftly moved on to Nelly Furtado. If that doesn't shine a huge spotlight on his "acts of kindness", what does?

FOR THE last time: I do not dislike Elton and I have only questioned his politics, not his talent. If there were not a grain of truth in what I have said, I would happily apologise. Do you think I like being described as overweight, balding and bitter? Not really - but it's not so far from the truth and there ain't nothing like a lick of paint to cure that.

If you think for a second I have any delusions about where I am in my career, think again. I thank the Lord every day that I'm still working. Some of my ex-lovers would describe me as a "bunny boiler" but is there any crime in asking for as much as you give?

I'm not talking money - I'd be happy with some flowers robbed from a graveyard or beans on toast. I don't live in a vacuum of self-pity but I can be a whinger. I've written some crap songs and some I'm quite proud of. If anyone thinks I'm a "has been", that's cool because it's better than being a "never was".

23rd February 2003

I'm amazed by music Madness

I HAVE discovered, having dabbled with most taboos, that the most powerful one in this country is truth. As the great John Lennon wrote in his song, Working Class Hero: "They hate you if your clever and they despise a fool."

Having sat through the theatre fiasco that is the Oliviers recently and watched the Madness celebrations, Our House, win best new musical, and having also reflected on the ridiculous review of it in one newspaper that claimed: "At last a truly original musical," my flabber was gasted. Dealing purely with fact, how can anyone describe a musical that is full of old hits (great ones, by the way) as an original musical?

No one applauded Paul Baker, who portrayed club legend Philip Sallon so brilliantly in Taboo, for his Olivier for best supporting actor. Why did a musical that has thrived for more than a year get no mention? One always risks appearing bitter when speaking out against the various hierarchies that run just about everything in this country but being outspoken worked for Bette Davis and I would much rather be seen in her spotlight with something valid to say then be morally mute. Trust me, I do not write this to take a dig at Madness but there is no way they should have walked away with that prize.

I write this having discovered that Taboo is to shut its doors in April before going to Broadway. It is a shame cause so many great people have worked there butts off to keep it going. Even winning an Olivier wouldnt stop a musical from closing in months and it does make one wonder why these awards take place. The results are often a foregone conclusion and rarely have anything to do with fact.

I do take comfort in the news that, at this years Brit awards, singer Ms Dynamite carried off a bundle of gongs. Sometimes those who say something new are rewarded justly. There's a great line in Gone With The Wind: "With enough character who needs a reputation?" Romeo and Juliet the musical was TV advertised and posters for it were plastered all over buses, yet it closed as did Madonna's Up For Grabs, which was never mentioned again after Madonna, who gets press for buying a bag of crisps, slipped out the stage door.

SADLY, Paul Kelleher, who lopped the head off Maggie Thatcher's statue was sent to prison for 3 months. We are told he used to shoplift as a teenager. Who didn't? The sentance seems odd when you consider Seventies rocker Gary Glitter did 2 months for downloading kiddie porn. Am I deluded in thinking that this democracy of ours has serious issues with reality and justice? However, I still feel that this is the only country I will ever live in because I love it, warts and all. Growing up in Britain has left me with the ability to laugh at myself as well as at the pomp that once made it the empire it was and the grappling cockroach it has become.

I bought a postcard recently that reads: "You say I'm a Bitch like it's a bad thing." I no longer worry about appearing like a red sock in a white wash because any vile thing can be said, has already been said. When you keep the bile in, you are likely to get crows' feet and Botox is not an option. Mine's a large glass of neat vinegar and a sack of lemons.

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