January 2003

5th January 2003

Born with an Irish sense of humour

THE rear of 2002 was spent in Dublin, a sort of homecoming, even though I'm termed in the birthplace of my parents as a "Plastic Paddy". This is the name given to folk whose parents were born in the Emerald Isle but who were themselves delivered elsewhere. In my case, it was Bexley Hospital in south London, which later became a mental institution. Oh well, whom the cap fits!

In my heart, I have always felt very Irish and with a name like O'Dowd it's hard to escape the connection. I'm not particularly territorial but I do insist that, while my flesh and bones were created in this land, my soul and sense of humour are certainly Irish.

One always feels like the home-coming queen when returning to Ireland but I did upset one fan when our coach pulled away and her poster had not been signed. I have no problem signing autographs but I feel that the Boy Scouts' slogan "Be Prepared" is essential. Invariably, people wanting an autograph are without pen or paper. Otherwise they want to take a picture of their hero but their camera will not work or, even more amusingly, they forget either to switch it on or to remove the lens cap. This particular fan was hurling abuse at me as we drove off and I'm afraid her language was unsuitable for a family paper.

I know that most of today's pop stars are considerate and responsible when it comes to signing autographs but, when you've just done a show and are off to DJ at another venue, you have to be quick and that works both ways. I certainly don't have a problem daubing my name on pictures or records but I'm always suspicious when a fan has 10 copies of the same record or picture. You know that they are going to flog them and it removes some of the romance. David Bowie (oops, dropped a name) told me that records signed with an artist's name are worth more ­ but my own signed Bowie albums are not going anywhere.

Anyway, apart from that minor outburst, the gig in Dublin was a blast and then it was off to Edinburgh to see in the New Year in front of 40,000 revellers. The Scots really know how to end a year in style but I didn't think much of the introduction - "You could be in Wales, you could be in London" - being greeted with a huge boo. The two acts - Culture Club and Ms Dynamite - were from London and it did seem petty. I've never been much bothered by the north/south divide but some folk obviously feel it is worth pointing out.

Still, the audience was fabulous and must be applauded for beating the freezing cold to bop along to our greatest hits. The highlight of the night was bringing on Euan Morton, who has been playing me in Taboo for most of the year. He was dressed, mini-me style, in full Eighties drag, and was received with huge affection. I don't know what it is about the Scots but they seem to have amazing voices. At present I am I am being portrayed by another Scotsman, Stephen Ashfield, who is also gifted with a fine voice and great acting skills.

FROM January, I shall be shooting my mouth off on LBC Radio in my new lunchtime show, And Another Thing. It's my chance to air my contentious views about everything from sexuality, the music industry, politics, what Tamara Beckwith was wearing at whatever party to just about anything else that tickles my fancy.

My first topic centres around whether one is born gay or chooses his or her sexual preference. Can I get one queen to admit that it is a choice and not a freak of nature? Of course not. I will keep digging until I find that one fellow poofter who shares my logic. Anyway, happy new queer!

12th January 2003

BNP boss is well suited for bigotry

ANYONE who got the chance to tune in to my new radio show (shameless plug) on LBC will have heard my interview with Nick Griffin, the new face of the British National Party. My first question was: "If you were trying to persuade me as a punter to join your party, how would you sell it to me?"

My question was answered with a barrage about homosexuality. Obviously, Mr Griffin already had his fighting gloves on and he told me: "Heterosexuals are superior to homosexuals." However, he claimed his party was not out to persecute homosexuals but felt that we should keep our sordid (I wish!) activities behind closed doors. Politicians rarely give direct answers but in the case of the BNP they are trying to portray an image that is suited and booted with a dash of class - but a Right-wing politician is still a Right-wing politician, inside or outside a well-tailored suit. Sometimes, evil can be so civilised.

We did, however, agree that powerful countries such as our own or America have been robbing poorer countries of their national resources for years and at some point there has to be a payback. If that means we embrace the influx of refugees who are (pass me another cliche!) invading our land of milk and honey, so be it. In fact, wouldn't it be great if supermarkets started selling Fair Trade products for those of us who want to drink coffee in the knowledge that somewhere on the planet a poor family is reaping some of the benefits we take for granted.

Did you know that most football equipment is knocked up by children in Third World countries? Sadly, those from poorer countries are happy to work till their hands bleed and boycotting companies who use child labour means they will lose out completely. Preying on the vulnerability of those less financially-opulent cultures is criminal when we live in a so-called civilised country.

MORE fun to interview was Peter Tatchell, who is so much more chilled when he's not being dragged out of a building with the rest of his Outrage possee. Since most of his interviews are centred on his numerous political causes, I wanted to ask him what his fave shower gel was, or how and if he relaxed.

But one will always drift back to the political. Many of today's queers have no idea how their freedom was won and it's largely left to Peter to run in ranting. He even confronted boxer Mike Tyson about his stance on gays - and Tyson could snap Peter in half with one finger. I tried desperately to pull his tongue on Elton John but he was very guarded. Yes, we all know Elton gives huge sums to AIDS charities and is an all-round good Faberge egg, give or take a few duets.

Singing with Eminem was bad enough but that collaboration with boy band Blue is embarrassing. Those four pretty boys look terribly nervous as they drift around Elton at his piano. You get the feeling they are all secretly thinking: "Which one of us does he fancy?" It begs the question, why destroy an already beautiful song? Does it not scream "Give me a hit"? I think a slap is more in order and Dame Elton could enter the Guinness Book of Records as the diva who has sung with more artists than yours truly has gone through lip pencils.

Mind you, he has even been up close and personal with David Beckham - no duet as yet but you never know! As straight gay icons go, Becks is more than sufficient but you can bet your life Posh has one eye open at all times.

Finally, a big happy birthday to my girl Friday and good friend Eileen Schembri - have a good one!

19th January 2003

An Olivier? I'm off for an Indian

THERE I was, crouched unglamorously over a sink in shaving mode backstage at Taboo, when the door burst open and I jumped out of my skin, thinking there was a fire drill or some looming catastrophe.

Instead, two smiling executives from the production office told me (there is a God and his name's not Nicholas de Jongh) that Taboo had been nominated for four Oliviers. Not being that au fait with theatrical terms, I later appeared on The Kumars at No.42 and said stupidly it had been nominated for four Tonys. Probably wishful thinking - or is it an omen?

I think I freaked out the cast of The Kumars with my Hindu-on-acid make-up. Sanjeev even said: "I think we've been out-Indianed." Well, outsiders often have a more objective view on other folk's cultures. I think it's safe to call me an Indophile. Being a magpie and fascinated by all that glitters, it's inevitable I am lured by the colour and kitsch of Indian culture. If I had to choose a god, though I respect them all, it would be Krishna as he has the best wardrobe.

My slot on The Kumars will be part of the new series. It has a great vibe and, as long as you take the ridicule in the spirit intended, you can't go wrong.

I also met the lovely June Whitfield, who still looks remarkable. She was sporting a fetching pink jacket and her sense of humour is still very much intact. I think she was taken aback by my appearance, but then lots of fans have been on to my website to complain that they hate me wearing so much make-up.

They are often foreign fans who have not seen Taboo and are clearly missing the point - anyway I have never taken fashion advice and never will. Leigh Bowery could often be found mincing down Brick Lane searching for garish Indian fabrics to create a new look. That was in the days when a stylist was not an essential item - unless they were Judy Blame or some other genius who could make almost any household item or piece of junk into a work of art.

AS PART of Closet Culture, a series I am hosting for Radio 2 that traces the history of gay culture's impact on fashion and music, I have had the pleasure of interviewing some very interesting folk. One of them was Tom Robinson, who wrote the classic punk gay anthem Glad To Be Gay and is now married with two children but still classifies himself as "screamingly gay".

His logic was simply that he met a female and fell in love and he suggested I might not have met the right woman. I replied: "No, I haven't met the right straight man." I suppose it proves that sexuality is a work in progress with no rules but those you inflict on yourself. Or do some of us just defy all human logic?

FOR MY show on LBC, I interviewed His Majesty of Marijuana, Howard Marks. I can see how he got the name Mr. Nice. I asked if he's ever stopped by the police and he said: "Yes, but only for autographs these days."

Another was ex-Drugs Tsar Keith Hellawell, a nice chap even if he thinks soft drugs should not be legalised. Trouble is, kids take drugs and the law cannot compete with peer pressure but, whatever logical answer you come up with, there is an equally valid rebuttal.

All these things must be discussed because the world is changing and spinning faster and faster. Burying heads in the sand helps no one. Let's stop discussing pointless things like Tony Blair's Star Trek jumper and get down to real issues such as car congestion charges, which are bound to cause serious protest. Do I smell another Poll Tax revolt or will drivers pay up and shut up? One suggested they all block out one registration-plate digit. Now that would cause some confusion.

26th January 2003

Knowledge is Key for Children Today

A BOOK called Hello Sailor is about to be published by Macmillan. The title conjures up images of Dick Emery but it talks loosely about homosexuality. I guess the point is to ease kids into the idea that the world is made of many types of sexuality.

Section 28, which was introduced by the Tories, stops teachers discussing or promoting homosexuality. Employing the term "promoting" is clever as it can be challenged. I was taught the bible at school and it did not affect me or make me Christian, and neither did buying Cliff Richard records. Well who doesn't love Devil Woman?

Seriously though there is no evidence to suggest that teaching kids about the myriad sexual possibilities out there is going to affect the choices they make later in life. We cannot dress our kids up as adults unless we arm them with the important information they need to protect themselves. Kids like it or not are experimenting with drugs and sex and its too late to turn the clock back to a time of innocence. Does it not seem sensible to update sex education in schools?

What's so right about Britney Spears performing her first hit in school uniform and not right about Elton John having Boy Scouts on stage with him at the last Stonewall concert? I don't think kids should be given too much information, they don't need to know everything, but lets not forget that some senior members of our culture are deeply involved in child abuse. Why did Gary Glitter serve less then four months for his heinous crime and yet a drug dealer gets four years?Being big on conspiracy theories, I think Glitter knew enough names to secure an early release. This makes sense we know there are police officers, judges etc involved in these paedophile rings.

The depth of depravity may never be known but when you see a photo of a paedophile or mass murderer, they rarely stand out from the crowd. As I say in my musical Taboo, dressed as the late performance artist Leigh Bowery: "Have you ever seen a serial killer dressed like this?" It makes people think but there are also looks of disgust, to which I say: "I could be stood in a three-piece suite and be guilty of wiping out a whole nation and you would not bat an eyelid." Some of the most disturbing people fit in and those are the ones we should really be scared of.

Straight Talking

There used to be an old punk saying: "Never trust a hippie." Might I suggest never trust anyone who claims to be "spiritual". Like Socialism, it is not something you say you are; they are both things you do. Those who go on and on about how spiritual they are make me sick because when the chips are down, they are out for themselves. Spirituality is a great way of looking down on others with the smug knowledge that you know something they don't.

It's been a tough old week but this diva has been round the block in slingbacks. When a "straight man" tells you he loves you and has never felt this way about a man, you know you are in trouble, especially when he tells you that he did not realise he was giving the wrong signals.

A bit of advice for all you confused men - don't invite obvious homosexuals for candlelit dinners. Those who claim to be searching for the truth are often the very people who don’t want to hear it. Lovers, be they platonic or catatonic, who engage in friendships with gay men often love the pleasure of being adored and, trust me, they always know what they are doing.

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