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4th May 2003
Meeting of minds with an old foe
I REALLY don't enjoy feuding as much as I did when a spiky teen. Once, I could go for months - even years - without letting go of an argument. I really have lost the will to allow bitterness to consume me but I have learned that not everyone is going to like me.
It's sad if you admire the person you have fallen out with but, as the old saying goes, "it takes two to tango". I have been pretty successful in scaling down my adversaries. Last week I interviewed one of my former sparring partners, Pete Burns - the reconstructed "Eighties icon" with scatter cushion lips and renowned caustic wit.
I was delighted to discover what I had always suspected - that Mr Burns is a smart and sensitive chap. He looks quite remarkable and despite insisting he was "working a butch look", he errs on the far left side of androgyny. When he arrived at the London Broadcast Centre I thought his manager Steve was him and I wondered who the slender, kooky-looking Japanese girl was.
We discussed our drawn-out cold war, which had us trading quips via the music press for over a decade. "To think we could have been friends," I said, adding, "there's still time." Like yours truly, Pete has similar problems being allowed to move on from the reputation that has been thrust upon him. He remains defiantly indifferent to his detractors who judge the book by its cover and constantly go on about his exotic style. Still, Pete has continued to work and with the help of various chemical processes and daily trips to the gym remains a vision.
In this dull age it is nice to know there is at least one other person keeping it freaky. Long may he spin.
THE new album Evolution is out now and contails all of the Dead or Alive dance classics and a fabulous new remix of You Spin Me Round by Electro Clash Kings and the Droids. I got a free one but you can pick it up at any good record store.
While on the subject of sheer entertainment, how utterly amusing to watch Ronan Keating - the ex-frontman of Bore-zone - squirming in his seat on breakfast television. Keating hs been awarded the much-coveted Rear of the Year but as he sat there in front of a blown-up picture of his gluteus maximus he looked far from comfortable.
Most men - well, straight ones - dislike any undue attention to that part of their anatomy because it is not socially accpetable to revere your rear! In the gay world the posterior is as alluring as breats are to horny heterosexual geezers but straight men tend to get retentive about the bum, probably because it is so precariously placed. I guess that explains all those "backs against the walls" jokes at school.
One never knows if the bashful expressions Keating works are just a way of fooling the public into believing he is unassuming. I call it "organised sincerity". It is used to great effect by Geri Halliwell, who gives false a new meaning. Does this mean that Keating might start singing out of his rear, or is it too late for that? Oh well, it proves what I've always thought - that he is an ass.
That said, he is cute but I can usually find something attractive in most men. I'd rather look at him walking away than singing and maybe he should rework that huge hit of his but change the lyrics to: "I look the best when I wear nothing at all."
11th May 2003
Hypocrites see red over Ken's tirade
A WEEK in politics is a long time but, to pile cliche on cliche, time obviously stands still for no man. The indignation over Ken Livingstone's tirade against George W Bush is in stark contrast to the media mocking that greeted him when he took office.
Is this the same man who was branded a buffoon because his cultural map barely extended beyond his Texas ranch? The headlines that followed him through the side door of politics were rightfully mocking because he forgot how many states there were as well as the names of several world leaders.
In fact, his inability to string an audible sentence together had most people wishing Monica Lewinsky had kept her mouth shut. Oh well, there is nothing like a self-righteous military onslaught on a dangerous regime to shift public and media opinion. Watching the offending speech by "Red Ken" it was clear that his comments were honest rather than premediated to shock. While most sensible folk will just roll their eyes, a handful of politicians have seized his irreverence as an opportunity to show their loyalty to "Cowboy George" and score political points.
In Buddhism, there is a saying that goes: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." I interpret it to mean that no one will ever reach the spiritual ranking that would make it possible to be on the same road as Buddha - so there is little chance he will ever be harmed. Of course, anyone who adopts Buddhism knows that murder is wrong under any circumstances. In the "free world" it is the right of every citizen to speak openly and honestly and Ken would be letting his supporters down if he were to suddenly stop doing what he does so well.
There was less fuss when Vladimir Putin openly mocked Tony Blair in Russia. However, Putin was merely protecting his own national interests in a way he felt suited the moment. It is perfectly true that George W Bush became president by default and if he were running for office in the Congo all he'd be planning right now would be his next barbecue.
If Ken were to invite Bush over for fish and chips and beg forgiveness it would not affect my opinion of Bush. I would hold him in the same contempt I always have. The idea that the personal comments of a politician can sway public opinion is a joke. However, it is refreshing to hear anything spiky coming out of a political mouth. It's good to hear Ken sounding off. Long may he rant!
TALKING of superpowers, Madonna has pulled out all the stops to promote her latest record, American Life. In an attempt to rekindle the frenzy that once followed her like a shadow she gave a one-off concert in a London record store. The intimate concert at HMV was limited to 500 fans and part of Oxford Street was shut off. I recently did a similar signing, though it was clearly not as well attended.
Madonna tries to be on the cutting edge when it comes to special trends but someone ought to tell her that overblown Eighties gestures of autonomy are so last century. I don't by the notion of a self-effacing Madonna who is finally questioning her desire for frame and reaching out to the public.
Her recent media appearances have seen Madge complaining about the Congestion Charge and how she likes to drink real British ale but it's quite obvious she can't even be unassuming without being calculating. She is now the cultural equivalent of a fairground mirror that distorts reality and rattles logic.
18th May 2003
Short's stance is highly admirable
ONE OFTEN wonders: "Do politicians live in the real world?" But perhaps even asking the question is foolish. It's a bit like asking if Elton John has a sense of humour or if Madonna kneads her own bread. This week Clare Short resigned from the Cabinet. I say good on ya. Having an innate loathing of authority, I can't imagine what it must be like working for a government run by a megalomaniac like Tony Blair.
The media and fellow politicians have remarked that Short lost credibility by waiting until after the war to jump ship. Well, I think anyone unhappy with their working conditions would hold on to their job in the hope that things might improve. A career in politics must be like a relationship - full of emotional ups and downs. It is not easy to walk away from someone or something you love and Clare Short strikes me as one of the few politicians who has at least one foot in reality and who perhaps foolishly thinks she can change things.
To some her actions stink of disloyalty but I can understand her predicament. I too would love to support the Labour Government with the same passion and hope that made me vote them in. I hate constantly putting down Tony Blair because come the next election, Labour will still be the lesser evil. Even some of those who despised Maggie Thatcher will say that she gave this country a strong economy - but she did so at the expense of the poor. Is it not ironic that her name could be swiftly exchanged for Blair's?
My feelings on the war are well known - and the fear that it would create even greater terrorist threats is now a reality. If it is true that war on Saddam was planned long before 9/11 then why was there not more attention to detail? It seems, where Iraq is concerned, you can't please anyone. Those Iraqis who say they are glad to be rid of Saddam are equally eager to see the back of their liberators. They face a long wait to have basic amenities restored and the fear that Saddam will be replaced by one of the fundamentalist groups fighting for control.
With the best of intentions, the war on Iraq has created another political and emotional divide which will probably carry on for years. When will we except that we cannot solve all the world's problems and that we cannot be selective about which dictators we bring down?
I REALISE it is hardly original to point out that there are many dictators just as heinous as Saddam but still we allow them to carry on. Sanctions only affect the ordinary folk - Saddam's luxurious palaces prove that. On top of this, even those who support military action will moan that we are now being invaded by asylum seekers - some of them fleeing from situations of instability to which our military interventions may have contributed. And the war has added to the national bill that British taxpayers must shell out for. Every year we seem to pay more money to the Government.
Opposing political parties will always promise to level higher taxes on the wealthy but those wealthy folk who remain here and support the welfare state by paying their taxes are of huge value to our economy. They are, however, sadly outnumbered by those who hoard their wealth in offshore accounts or have homes in tax havens.We also have to remember the "sleeping politicians" - huge corporations who dictate government policy with large donations or by threatening to take their business elsewhere. The information age has allowed us to see behind the political veil only to discover that the truth is far from pretty.
Can't wait for the Clare Short autobiography.
25th May 2003
Drag acts put the buzz back in NY
NEW YORK has been rather dreary of late and one can only blame former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, who took a broom to the city some years back. His famous "zero tolerance" clean-up did make the city safer but it also removed the heart and guts that made New York so spectacular.
The fabulous underground clubs seemed to disappear and the mad-hatters that were the ringleaders of the cult of the ridiculous seemed to admit defeat. Well, I have been in the Big Apple for a week and I am pleased to announce that New York's gutter culture is back, in heels.
Quite by accident I stumbled into Bar d'O to catch Raven O and Sherry Vine performing a bijou jazz set that sent shivers down my spine and made me furious that such talent (live vocals, too!) was being witnessed only by a small if appreciative throng.
Raven O is a stunning, svelte drag diva, who constantly refers to her diminishing beauty but does so because she knows how great she looks. Add this to her flawless renditions of Dinah Washington torch songs and duets with the equally fabulous Sherry Vine and you realise the self-deprecation is part of the beautiful illusion. Watching them is a reminder of why New York is so fierce.
Next I found myself downtown at Chez es Saada seeing the Duelling Bankheads. These two demented drag queens model their look on film legend and loose cannon Tallulah Bankhead, and have canned applause that goes on long after the songs and jokes.
In the crowd was Flawless Mother Sabrina, who was jailed in Texas back in the Sixties for throwing drag parties and starred in the cult movie, Queen. The club is run by DJ Johnny Dynell and Chi Chi Valenti, who frankly made a mockery of matrimony but constantly rise from the disco ashes and put on fabulous events. Chi Chi, known as Mother, introduces the turns and throws out such great quips as: "I implore you in French" - in America the French are about as popular as Saddam.
THEN IT was off to see Harvey Fierstein as Divine in John Walters' hit Broadway musical Hairspray - just the most hysterical and joyous night out you can imagine. Afterwards we were invited back to meet the gravel-voiced Fierstein. When my friend asked for a signed picture, Fierstein snapped back: "Of course, cookie."
The entire cast was faultless and there were such choice lines as: "It's un-American to fix votes." Another favourite was Mary Bond Davis who plays Motormouth Maybelle, a hilarious character with one of those classic gospel voices that brings down the house.
Just when I thought my trip couldn't improve, I met a gorgeous sailor called Derick, who recognised my new sparring partner, Rosie O'Donnell, but received more attention from moi. It's "fleet week" here - when all the seamen dock for a break and the city is awash with sailors.
So, New York is buzzing again and that bodes well for opening Taboo in November. I will be living here for eight months and I can't wait. It has been a week of intense meetings but I have managed to sleep and party - two things that don't usually marry in New York. And I have chucked in a bit of serious shopping, too. Who really knows if London follows New York or if it's the reverse? I can tell you that tiny is the new large and small gatherings are the new Woodstock. The final word has to go to my make-up lady and chum Christine, "Was New York how you imagined it?" I asked. "I never imagined it," she coolly replied. Perhaps indifferent is the new ecstatic.
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